Who Is The Smashiest?
by ACT II
Summary: In the official SSB reality game show, the Smashers have to compete in challenges and avoid being eliminated to the Mystery Spot. Will something cliche like chaos ensuing happen? Who goes violently insane? Find out.


**Disclaimer: **Characters are property of their respective companies.

* * *

"Hot Pockets!" repetitiously chanted the crowd of Smashers as they entered the portal found in the mansion's portal room. Unlike the other portals next to it that led to tournament stages, this one was a new one that led to Master Hand's Hot Pocket party, or so he had lied to them.

On the other side of the portal was a giant castle, Master Hand greeted them as the portal was shut off, "Hello, and welcome to the new reality game show experiment: 'Who is The Smashiest?'!"

Everyone stopped chanting, Luigi was the last to stop, revealing that he was chanting 'Pop Tarts' the whole time instead.

"I figured you all might enjoy a change of pace from fighting tournaments to-" the glove was cut off,

"So there isn't a Hot Pocket party?" Marth asked,

"No," the glove responded, "I wasn't sure any of you would want to do this so I thought this would be a quick way to get you all on board… It was actually a Pop Tart party anyway."

"See I told you!" Luigi stated to the others in mild annoyance.

At the party located in the castle main hall, where a large table stood in the center, the walls were off-white bricks, various paintings were found around the walls and arches were constructed around passageways, the carpet was thick and dark.

Master Hand made an announcement: "So here is how the rules will work; everyone will live in this castle, there will be different rounds of competitions and games, each round with it's own themes, with portions of time in between for socializing, relaxing, and fake over-the-top drama to boost ratings."

During these times all participants are after the goal to make alliances, instructions will be explained for each competition when they take place. When a contestant loses, they are eliminated to the **Mystery Spot**. And trust me; you don't want to be at the **Mystery Spot**."

Ok, the cameras roll in three… two… one… Go!" Master Hand spoke as koopas prepared their cameras, "Welcome viewers to our grand new reality game show: 'Who is The Smashiest?' where we will find out who of these Smashers, has the most... smash to them! Our contestants will stay at this beautiful castle and compete in exciting challenges that will test their mental and physical strength and probably other things I'm too lazy to mention!"

The camera panned over to the crowd on the other end of the room; the Smashers dully stared at the camera with deadpan expressions. A koopa grip held up a cue card that read DRAMA, the glove making waving motions to signify that he wanted them to create drama amongst themselves.

They continued to stare.

Fox made hand motions of himself to tell the hand that he had to use the restroom. Samus motioned that she wasn't in the mood to be lied to about getting free Hot Pockets and that she demands to be able to go back to the mansion or back to her home world where she could catch up on her favorite shows, and ooh maybe go out on a date with someone hot, or otherwise if she didn't get her way she would watch the hand sleep every night, with her hand cannon at the ready. Kirby tried to hand signal, but well no one knew what he was trying to express as his arms were basically cylinder-blob-thingies.

"Cut! Ok that was good enough I guess…" Master Hand said as the cameras stopped recording, "Crazy Hand, code green."

Crazy Hand then let in their backup plan: Roy wearing a blond wig and a frilly dress over his armor.

The cameras once again began to roll, "As the Smashers get oriented, they will now meet their new fellow contestant: Sue Ann Mary! She is a regular sixteen year old fan of SSB who got accidentally transported here and just wants to make friends and be nice to people even though she will be really popular with everyone!"

"Hi…" Roy/Sue said, coming into the room, speaking in a girly voice, because he was told he would be paid extra the more convincing he was.

"Hello there…" Marth said seductively, not realizing it was actually Roy.

"Hi," Roy responded quickly, trying to hide how nervous, and generally freaked out he was by Marth's words.

"And let us not forget Wally the blue walrus! He's just a talking blue walrus, yeah." with this announcement Mewtwo entered in a blue walrus costume.

"Why hello…" Peach and Zelda playfully spoke in unison, Mewtwo waved back, but was too weirded-out that they were into walruses like that.

For the next shot they placed an ice cream cone in Link's hand, "Yay!" Link exclaimed and licked it. Then they instructed Snake to go over and tilt the cone so the ice cream would fall onto the ground. Snake did so monotonously. "Aw…" Link said, staring at the ice cream seeping into the carpet. Link was handed a three hole puncher, "Yay!" he exclaimed and licked it.

"Ooh, what will happen now that Link and Snake hate each other forever over the ice cream incident?" Master Hand asked, talking into the camera.

"No one is taking it from me ever!" Link declared, defensively holding the hole puncher to his chest and turning from the crowd, looked at the camera and turned away so viewers couldn't see his hole puncher.

"Ok now you can all go to your dorms," Master Hand said as koopas handed out maps of the castle grounds that showed where everyone's dorms were each at.

Once the Smashers left the room, Roy tried to walk away in his high heel attachments glued to his boots, but slipped on the ice cream and went careening through several crew members and demolished a chair as he landed, "I don't think I can do this much longer Master Hand…" Roy sighed,

"Yeah, why can't we just be our selves?" Mewtwo asked, trying to make his legs comfortable in the tail of the suit.

"So we can reveal you two to be your true selves as a dramatic twist later in the show," Master Hand explained.

* * *

Everyone exited their rooms and noticed Marth standing in the middle of the hall, "Guys, do any of you know why I don't have a room?" he asked.

"Oh I accidentally gave that to you?" asked a koopa walking by behind Marth, "I guess you don't have a room, I'm sure we passed out all of the maps. Master Hand over heard and floated in behind the koopa.

"That's right." The glove floated off,

"It's ok Morth… you can sl- err, stay at my room…" Jigglypuff said giving him a sexy wink.

"It's Marth, for now I'm going to go ask about this situation and see if this can be straightened out." Marth replied, flattered in a freaked out way as Jigglypuff was a fluffy yet rubbery balloon thing or whatever. He tried to imagine what Jigglypuff would be like if she were a human woman, unfortunately the thought came out as a rubbery humanoid with her body as it's head, "Ah!" Marth gasped in horror.

"What's wrong?" Peach asked,

"Uh… nothing… I'm going now…" with that Marth quickly left.

"Ok… by Marp…" Jigglypuff said.

* * *

Where will Marth stay if he doesn't get a room of his own? Find out next time, and please leave a review of what you think, praise and/or constructive criticism are welcome, flames are pointless as all it means is that we don't have things in common or that they are mad for some other reason but it will increase my review count so why not.


End file.
